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Grrrrrrrrrrrr. It was out on the playground. Lots of people around. I had on my favorite hoody, the one that my sister brought back from the US. My hair looked good too (new wax is awesome!) and I was actually feeling pretty good for a change. Anyway. I'm standing there behind the jungle gym, and there was Maja too. She's real sweet. I get really nervous. Bad case of hand sweat. How come Memhet can keep his cool? He just lets loose on his skateboard, and I see him do the sweetest trick from the roof of the playhouse. Maja clapped her hands and tossed her hair so that even I got a good whiff of it. And then I'm supposed to do a backflip all of a sudden.. No joke! A backflip! Just like you see on Youtube, you know What!? No, here's Ossi, The Idiot, about to pull off the greatest backflip ever to impress Maja. So pathetic. Here goes nothing. Everybody's watching. Maja's keeping an eye on the situation. And then I completely blow it. I faceplant, my arm gets messed up, my hoody gets ripped and I'm about to start the waterworks, then Maja comes up and asks me how it went. Well I'm embarrassed, ready to cry and mad as all hell and happy. All at once. And #### if my arm doesn't hurt like hell. But I did at least make an impression on Maja. The Biggest Loser who tries to show off with a worthless backflip. Congratulations Ossi! Good for you! You sure get a lot of love for that kind of show Not.
My arm hurt like hell all night. Mom and I are going to the emergency clinic now. My favorite hoody is completely trashed. I'm actually sadder about that than about my arm. My arm will heal, but I have no idea when my sister will be going to the US next time and can buy me a new hoody. Mom tried to fix it but it looks even more haggard. My status right now: No sweet hoody. No sweet arm. No sweet girl. No sweet backflip. No sweet life.
Kill me now! Sitting in the waiting room with Mom. My arm hurts like hell and mom's holding my hand, like I was a little kid. I'm about to cry, when all of a sudden I see a girl at the other end of the room. Looking at me! Doesn't happen every day. As if a chick would check me out, but I saw her eyeing me. You know, out of the corner of her eye. The way I do when I don't want them to notice. She had freckles. Light freckles. And then they call out her name: Klara. Klara. And then I remember. I'm holding moms hand! No kidding! Number one loser, unchallenged: Ossi Lindström! OK, might as well burn all your bridges on the same day. The doctor checked my arm. It was broken, a wrist fracture, or at least that's what I think she said. They're going to operate tonight. I'm not allowed to eat anything
(Mom promised that we would eat at McDonald's after the doctor, but might as well forget that for now) and I'm already starving to death. I'm not allowed to snuff (wet Swedish powder tobacco that you put under your lip) either. Mom didn't think that was important since I don't snuff. But I do. Just that she doesn't know. So now I'd like:
Instead I get:
At first it sounded cool to get knocked out. Can't be worse than it was for Ludde when he passed out last Saturday. He drank too much booze and just fell asleep. I don't have to drink, but I can pass out anyway. But I know what it was like for Ludde. He was raving mad. Howling about Nina. About how he loooooved her. And Nina is Kalle's girlfriend! So Ludde lay there on the ground making a fool of himself. Now everyone knows he has a crush on her. Once I'm under start raving too. Say some things about myself. Start babbling about being a virgin, even though everyone thinks I've been around. Or get a boner! What if I have a boner and the biggest wetdream. No. I don't want I don't want to be knocked out. Maybe I'll get a hard-on and wake up in the middle of it all. Wake up in the middle of the operation and feel how they're cutting me up, but can't speak. Like the worst horror film. They just cut and cut while I'm wide awake and can't get out a damned word. No. I don't want
Here comes a nurse, she's probably going to bring me to my room
The freckle-faced one! The nurse brought me to my room and who's there, lying in one of the beds, if not the freckle-faced girl. Klara. She's having her appendix removed. I think I have pain in my arm, but it's NADA compared to what she feels. She was lying there in bed, with a DVD player on her belly and trying to look happy. Her dad is lying beside her. I think they were looking at some action film. She smiled at me. Even though she was in pain. Incredible smile! Wide and glittery or whatever. But then mom pulled the curtain and I couldn't see her freckle face any more. But I heard her. Heard how she whined about her stomach and how her dad did his nice daddy-talk with her. A nurse came to my bed. I didn't dare ask her about a boner of course. But I did ask her if it was possible to wake up in the middle of it all. But evidently it wasn't. They pump a drug into you the whole time. During the whole operation they keep it coming. You just can't wake up. Sweet! Evidently no reason to worry about telling any secrets either. You sleep so deeply that you don't have the energy to rant and rave and if you do they could care less. They're too busy doing other things to worry about me ranting about Maja. Or raving about Miss Freckle Face. My piercing has got to go. And I just got it. By myself. What a pain in the ass. Hope it doesn't grow back together so I have to do it over and go through that again. I can keep my braces though. Apparently they don't conduct electricity. Would have been cool if they did, turn me into the most incredible hulk. Now I'm going to lie down and try to have a peek at Klara through the curtains. Her name is Klara.
Klara just left. She gave me a nervous little wave goodbye. And smiled. That freckly cute little smile. I tried to stay cool and calmly signal back. Maybe she thought I didn't care?! Wrong, wrong wrong.
Is she coming back soon? That freckle-faced girl.
I saw her dad! Mom chatted with him and he said he wasn't allowed to see his daughter. Klara didn't want him around. This girl is tough! I want mom to be with me the whole time. I'm lying on a bed in the corridor now, next to the operating rooms. I feel like I'm about to cry and mom is rubbing my back. I could care less if I look like a wimp. I want my mom here. Beside me. All the time. What if I die? Everyone says I'm not going to die. That I'm going to wake up in a few hours and be a bit drowsy. That mom will be sitting beside me then too. If she isn't then I'll panic. Mom has to be sitting there. She has to.
That's it. No longer wearing my chastity belt. What if it was that simple? That I, after the operation, while I was still knocked out, lost my belt. Klara saw me lying there, asleep and super handsome (yeah right) and so she just takes my belt, jumps my bones, Ninja style. Ossi! What perverted fantasies! Fat chance of that ever happening. But it was special to be knocked out. Mom sat beside me the whole time, held my hand and patted me on the head with her other hand. I got stickers on my chest, this little light switch attached to my finger and they measured something with a blue thing that put pressure on my arm. The nurse was nice to me and my mom, while the doctor measured a bunch of stuff. When that was done, I had to breathe in a mask, a bit of extra oxygen felt real weird funny feeling. So you get as much fresh air as possible. They gave me morphine too! In a tube directly into my blood. Closest I've come to drugs. But it wasn't much fun. Didn't make me want to dance exactly, just made me feel like jelly. Sent my head spinning! When that was done, they gave me a shot and then I don't remember a thing. So weird! I was lying there and they cut me up and fixed me and I was out cold and then I wake up in a totally different room with mom, as though nothing had happened. Right now I'm feeling pretty good. They're going to give me some ice cream in an hour or so. I want it now. I scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream. Big mac, big, mac, big mac. Cola, cola, coca cola. Snuff, snuff, snuff. Klara, Klara, Klara. I'm going to back up to our room soon. Wonder if she's there now?
We talked! It was Klara who started. She asked me if I was hungry. If I liked the breakfast. How the operation went. If my arm hurt. Where I lived. She asked a bunch of things. She must think I'm super interesting. Good! The only thing she didn't ask was if I wanted her phone number. I do. I do. I want to be able to dial her up and hear her voice again. Klara lives across town. She has two brothers, a blue parakeet, a yellow parakeet and a guinea pig that she is tired of. A mom, a dad and a row house too. But no appendix. And not my phone number. Gotta muster the courage to give it to her before we leave. Ossi, the wimp, has to dare to make a move. Maja is history. But Ossi is never going to forget Klara.
I'm in the bathroom now. Not to take a leak, just sitting here and can't believe it's true. That Klara and I just watched half a film together. I was pretending to text message all morning to seem, seem what? Popular? Interesting? Oh! JERK! Gotta pull myself together! And ask. Ask her if I can call her later. When this is over. Shit, I've been sitting here too long. She probably thinks I'm having a shit. Out! Now.
I'm being discharged as they call it. I'm leaving. For God's sake, what am I supposed to do? Gotta do something.
Klara. Klara. Klara, Klara, Klara. World's coolest girl. World's sweetest freckles. World's sweetest hair. World's bravest. I'm the world's happiest, 'cause I have her number. How am I gonna keep from calling her right away? Good to be home. Good with some snuff. A little cool with a plaster cast. Good leaving the hospital with a cast and the number to the world's greatest girl. Good goin' Ossi.
We are scarred. A scar on her stomach and a scar on my arm. But our hearts are whole. And now we know how our lips taste. Klara's taste like raspberry and Ossi's like snuff.
Weird that snuff can taste so good. And weird that an operation can fix so much. Not just what was broken but love too. Love, love, love! Ossi and Klara forever.